The Empty Chair

Hey you! Yes, you! It’s the holiday season, which has been deemed, “the most wonderful time of the year”, but are you just not feeling it? You’ve been going through the motions of the season. You’ve adorned the house with beautiful decor, purchased an endless amount of gifts, moved around the Elf on the Shelf, organized the perfect gathering, and cooked the big meal. Now it is time to set the table, and you realize that there’s an empty chair. As much as you’ve tried to avoid allowing your mind to “go there”, the grim reality of the empty chair has now gut-punched you. Yeah, I know that feeling and the overwhelming depth of emotions that are attached to it all too well.

Growing up in my family, holidays have always been a big deal, in particular Christmas. It was my grandma Clara’s holiday. She always enjoyed cooking, but Christmas was extra special for her. The overflowing joy that she would get from having around all of her family, cooking a huge meal, and being able to slip money into her grandchildren’s hands was second to none. Her loving and caring nature was always two of her most admirable characteristics, which especially shown and shone during the holiday season. So to lose her two days after her favorite holiday was absolutely devastating, and at first, unbearable. The first Christmas without her, I refused to celebrate. As you know, if you’ve lost someone, the firsts are always hard. I literally stayed in bed that Christmas and didn’t move or even socialize with anyone. I thought it would never be the same again. The feelings of hopelessness, anger, and depression were heavily present on that day. If you’re feeling this way now, you’re not alone. I’ve found some remedies that help me through this season, and I’d like to share them with you.

Granting myself the grace to grieve was the beginning of the process. It is okay if there are tears shed during this season. You don’t have to fear that you will be ruining it for everyone else; they probably need release as well. Absolving myself of the guilt that came along with me celebrating this season without her has freed me tremendously. Your loved one wouldn’t want you to be reluctant about celebrating because they are no longer here. The one that has helped me the most is: creating new traditions while honoring the ones that my grandma started. It has allowed me to still feel her presence even though she’s no longer her. I encourage you to begin new traditions which honor your loved one, and allow it to bring healing and joy to you during this season.

Yes, the “empty chair season” can be one of the absolute hardest. I will not lie to you or negate the reality of the heaviness that comes along with it. However, my hope is that this blog helps you navigate through it a little easier. My prayer is that God heals your heart and turns you mourning into dancing. I pray that you can find joy again in this season. My sincerest prayer is that His great presence helps to fill the void of the empty chair. Happy Holidays my J Bugs!

Letter to my grandma:

The immensely overwhelming rush of emotions that jolts through my body from your absence is sometimes unbearable. The memories that flood my mind during the endless sleepless nights are what I hold onto. The beautiful sound of your sweet voice and slow cadence fill my ears on a daily basis. The slight amount of hesitation that causes me to rethink every decision that I make to ensure that I’m making you proud. Your warm spirit that walks beside me everyday brings me comfort in knowing that a piece of you is with me. Your all encompassing love fills my heart and allows me to move forward. The sweet feeling of peace knowing that you’re safe in His arms allows me to be okay. So, sleep on my angel. Your work here is done. I will carry the baton the rest of the way. We will meet again soon, and I’ll tell you all about it! Until then… Farewell!