Hey you! Yes, you. Has life been feeling really dark lately? No matter what you do or how hard you try, you feel like you can’t shake the darkness. You’re feeling heavy, sad, or disconnected, and you don’t know why. You’ve tried to pray the darkness away, but it seems like God just won’t remove it. I know, because I’ve been feeling this way for the past eight weeks.
I was excited to start the new year. I prayed, made plans, and even came up with a theme for this year— “My attitude aligning with my calling.” Little did I know, that nine days into the new year, I would be gut-punched with a fibromyalgia flare up. Not a normal one that lasts a few days, but one that’s lasted eight weeks and counting. A flare up that would completely immobilize me both physically and financially. One that would chin-check my pride, sanity, and spirituality.
If I’m being completely transparent, I was so frustrated with God. I didn’t understand why my life felt like it was going in reverse. I couldn’t do the bare minimum—walking, bathing myself, or eating—without assistance. I really didn’t even want to communicate with God, because I felt wronged. I sat, in my alone time, saying, “God I’m being obedient to Your plan. I’m living in and on purpose. I’m fulfilling my calling. I’m making more time for You. I’m learning Your Word as well as correcting my behavior, and this is what I’m met with?”
After putting my flesh aside, I begin listening to my weekly sermons again, and one phrase from Pastor Mike Todd made it all make sense, “The disappointment in the darkness is for development.” He compared our personal darkness that we go through to the dark room process of photography. It was then that the Lord revealed to me that what He is developing in me, while in the darkness, is to fulfill the next level of my purpose. He also reminded me that I’m not exempt from storms, just because I’m following Him. This divine revelation was the godly perspective that I desperately needed.
I pray that this blog prompts you to take a moment and actually be honest with God. I pray that my transparency helps you feel less alone. I pray that your personal darkness deepens your relationship with God. Most importantly. I pray that you relinquish control and allow God to develop you in the darkness. Happy Developing my J-Bugs!
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